There's nothing like 1200 miles

 

Red State ahead! Atright, after almost no hesitation whatsoever, I am, at long last, leaving Blue Jersey for the gentle rolling red plains of the heartland of these great Untied States. (Perchance to be soon re-tied around the growing stem of national pride? Hope springs eternal.)

True, I will miss the ocean with its high fecal bacterial levels and its soft sand beaches festooned with the carcasses of majestic whales driven to shore by the incessant pounding of heavy machinery driving piles into the seabed to further enrich Chairman Murphy's offshore wind farm company. These will be the cherished memories I will take with me into the Golden Age.

But now my heart is called once again to Adventure and the promise of waving fields of corn and sprawling cattle ranches as far as the eye can see. Wish me Bon Voyage and God Speed, if you will.